The Vickers family and death

So I was having a kinda crappy morning this morning, didnt sleep really well, had class super early, got soaked accidentally stepping in a puddle this morning, etc etc.

I talk to my mom a lot, and since the 2 year anniversary of my dad just happened last Thursday, I've been talking to her a lot more frequently. She always has a way of calming me down and help me find perspective again in that way only parents can.

But today she told me some gruesome news...
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So the Vickers family goes as Follows

Grandpa Jack (still alive and kicking) -------- Grandma Ramona (deceased for 4 years)
Had 4 kids:

Uncle Steve (deceased for 3 years) -------- Aunt Cathy
Had 2 kids: Stevie and Michelle
My dad, Gary (deceased for 2 years) -------- My mom Maureen
Had 3 kids: Breena, Myself, and Brogan
Kenneth (died when he was only 9, got hit by a car)
Michael (still alive and doing well) -------- Aunt Crystal (also alve and doing well)


SO the entire Vickers family smoked for a large portion of their life, save my Grandma Ramona. She died 4 years ago of emphysema on February 14th.

My Uncle Steve died 3 years ago, after losing his battle with Lung Cancer, January 8, 2006.

My dad got into his car accident on February 13th, 2007, his heart stopped on the 14th, he was resuscitated and put in the medical coma that day. His heart stopped on March 19th, 2007 after 3 hours off of life support.
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So, I asked my mom how she was doing, and she said not too well, she had just gotten off the phone with uncle Michael. My aunt Cathy had called the cops to her house. On the front patio of her house there was a plastic lawn chair, with a big plastic paint tarp under neath it, with a bunch of bleach and cleaning supplies. The Cops were outside, and she came out with a gun. She said "I dont want to hurt anyone." The cops tried to talk her into putting the gun down and she just said again as she sat down in the plastic lawn chair, "I dont want to hurt anyone."

She stuck the gun up under her jaw and pulled the trigger...


My mom hadnt realized she hadnt told me that Aunt Cathy had committed suicide, so she told me all this with the thought that I already knew she was dead.

I wasnt very close to her but she was a good woman, she was a jovial person.

She had called the cops so that they would find her, instead of my cousins, she left the bleach and the tarp down so they could clean everything easily afterwards. She was still thoughtful and considerate even in ending her life.

And that just shakes me to my core. I cant even imagine the grief she mustve felt after my uncles death to provoke herself to suicide. I feel so sorry for her that she had to go through that much pain, that pain that she felt she just couldnt handle.

But I'm relieved that she can rest easily now.

RIP Aunt Cathy.

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Daddy.

I dont know what it is about being in art classes again, but I cant stop thinking about my dad...

It's also creeping up on the two year anniversary of his death. That is laying in the back of my mind...

I think February 13th through March 19th will always be a low point in my year...

I just wish I could call him up and just have one last conversation with him... it kills me that I never got to say a proper goodbye, even two years later.

There are days when I dont feel like myself, knowing that hes not around anymore...

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